What to expect & how to cope
A gentle seven-step guide through the first days, practical decisions, grief over time, and supporting a partner.
In the first hours and days
You may feel shock, numbness, or an inability to make decisions. This is completely normal. Ask the hospital for a bereavement midwife or coordinator — most hospitals have one. You have the right to hold your baby, take photos, and take as much time as you need. Memory boxes are often available and can become deeply precious.
Practical decisions you may need to make
Registration of birth and death, decisions about a post-mortem (you can say no), funeral arrangements, and notifying your employer. You do not need to make these alone or immediately. A bereavement coordinator can guide you step by step.
Returning home
Returning to a home prepared for a baby is one of the most painful moments many parents describe. Ask a trusted person to help with the room if you need to, or leave it exactly as it is. There is no right answer and no timeline you must follow.
Telling people
You are under no obligation to share anything before you are ready. Many parents find a short pre-written message most manageable: “Our baby was born sleeping. We are devastated and need time. We will reach out when we are ready.”
Grief over time
Grief does not follow a neat path. Waves of intense pain can appear months or years later — around due dates, anniversaries, or when seeing other babies. This is not going backwards. Specialist counsellors who understand pregnancy loss can make an enormous difference.
Thinking of a future pregnancy
Many parents feel profound conflict about trying again — hope, fear, guilt, and love all at once. Rainbow baby pregnancies are often filled with anxiety. Ask for a referral to a specialist antenatal clinic for bereaved parents.
Supporting a partner
Grief rarely runs at the same pace between partners. One person may want to talk; the other may need silence. Both are valid. Couples counselling from a pregnancy-loss specialist can help you grieve together rather than in parallel and alone.
Other guides
Finding the right words
Nine ready-to-use letter templates — for friends, family, your employer, social media, and more.
03 · For friends & familyWhat to say — and what not to say
A practical guide for the people who love you — what helps, what hurts, and how to simply be present.
04 · Multilingual · Steunpunt NOVAInformation cards in your language
Compassionate guidance in 10+ languages, developed by Steunpunt NOVA — a Dutch specialist baby loss centre.
05 · Physical & emotionalYour body after loss
What to expect physically after a late pregnancy loss or neonatal death — and how to care for yourself when care feels impossible.
06 · For partners & fathersYou are grieving too
A guide for fathers and partners: what grief can look like, the hospital, practical tasks, supporting each other, work, and where to find help.