Guidance & support

The first days after your baby dies

Gentle, practical guidance for the days after loss: what to expect, the decisions you may face, and how to begin to remember.

When you first hear the news

Nothing prepares you for being told that your baby has died, or that your baby may die soon after birth. Until that moment, you may have been waiting and hoping to meet your baby alive, and this news can feel sudden, unreal, and impossible to take in.

It is normal to feel shocked, angry, confused, or numb. Many parents find themselves asking, “How can this be happening?” or “Why?” If the loss was unexpected, the medical team may not yet know the reason, and in many cases the cause can only be explored later.

You may also find it hard to understand what doctors are saying, or you may need them to repeat information several times. That is completely normal. The health professionals caring for you should answer your questions patiently, clearly, and with respect. Your questions do not bother them; they are part of the support you deserve.

It can also help if someone close to you reads this information and the rest of the guidance with you, so they can support you and help communicate your wishes to the medical team about your baby's birth and farewell.

Knowing and spending time with your baby

When the medical team first suggests that you see or hold your baby after childbirth, it is completely normal to feel frightened, shocked, or overwhelmed. In this moment, the idea of seeing your baby after loss can feel too painful to face.

However, most parents and couples who choose to see and hold their baby (more than 95%) later say it was a meaningful and important decision for them. Holding your baby, seeing their face, noticing who they resembled in your family, being able to love them, and saying goodbye — these are natural parts of the grieving process. Although right now it may feel like the most painful thing in the world, those moments often become some of the most precious memories you will carry.

What will my baby look like?

This is one of the most common questions parents ask. When you learn your baby has died or will die soon after birth, your first reaction may be shock, fear, or even a desire not to see your baby. This is completely normal. You dreamed of meeting a living, healthy baby — warm, rosy, and full of life.

If your baby died recently (within hours or days), they may look physically much like any other baby:

• Their skin may be intact and beautiful
• They may have slightly darker lips
• Some areas of skin may be peeling slightly or have small blisters
• They may be covered with white vernix (protective coating) and some blood
• They may appear to be sleeping, though with less muscle tone than a living baby

If your pregnancy was earlier (between 12–20 weeks), your baby's skin may be more translucent, but they will be completely formed and beautiful.

If your baby died earlier, or there may be physical changes or malformations, you can ask the medical team to:

• Wrap your baby in a soft blanket
• Let you see them gently, step by step
• Prepare them in a way that feels respectful to you

Important to know: your baby will not feel cold when you first hold them. They will still have warmth from your body. This warmth may gradually change, but you can cover your baby with blankets or keep them in the crib the hospital has prepared for you.

How much time can I spend with my baby?

The hospital should allow you to be with your baby as long as you need — this could be several hours or even longer. You have the right to:

• Be alone with your baby — tell the staff if you want privacy
• Ask where your baby is — when you're not with them, you can ask the staff to tell you where they are kept
• Include other family members — grandparents, siblings, or other loved ones may also want to meet your baby. Including them can help the whole family begin to grieve and remember this new member you were expecting

The most important thing: be with the people you want to be with right now. There is no “right” way to respond to this loss.

If the hospital needs your baby for medical examination

In some cases, the hospital may need to take your baby for pathological anatomy studies (to understand why the loss occurred). You have rights in this situation:

• You can ask questions — ask why the examination is needed, how long it will take, and what information it will provide
• You can request to see your baby first — before any examination, you can ask to have time with your baby

Creating memories: photographs and objects

Some parents see and hold their baby while they're alive; others do so after death. But leaving the hospital with empty arms and few physical memories is incredibly difficult.

Most families who choose to create memories say it becomes precious later. Even if it feels hard now, these memories can help you grieve and remember.

If you can see or hold your baby:

• Wash or bathe them gently
• Dress them in clothes you had prepared, or ask hospital staff for baby clothes
• Cover them with a soft blanket

Take photographs

• It may feel uncomfortable now, but photos become precious memories over time
• Photos help you remember what your baby looked like (memories fade)
• They help introduce your baby to family, friends, and future children
• Types of photos: baby's hands in yours, feet, you holding baby, whole family together
• Best practice: baby in arms (not on a table), in colour (can be converted to black and white later)

Other memories to keep

• A lock of baby's hair
• Hospital bracelet (if baby was born alive)
• Clothes or blanket baby was wrapped in
• Ultrasound images
• Any medical records or certificates

More guides

Detailed guides for specific parts of this time. Read whichever you need, whenever you feel ready.

Information about hospitals, registration, funerals and support organisations in your country is in Find Help.